By Dr. Darrell J. Burnett
Parental duties can't be ignored on playing field.
Pick up a sports page and you get a stark picture of the world of competitive sports - corporate sponsorship, fierce competition and a win-at-any-cost mentality. For decades, recreational youth sports has been the beacon of hope for maintaining the purity of sport, where unsportsmanlike conduct has been the rare exception. And yet, even at a level where 20 million youngsters play in sports throughout the USA, the sign of a decline in sportsmanship are evident: talking trash, challenging officials, refusing to shake hands with the opponent after a match, making excuses after every loss - and that's just the parents!
We reveal our true selves through sports. And like it or not, our kids are watching us - looking to us as role models of good sportsmanship.
Youth sports are supposedly an avenue to teach values to kids: teamwork, hard work and practice, handling and learning from mistakes, developing confidence and winning and losing gracefully.
Most parents are conscientious about their parenting role. And yet, it constantly amazes me what some parents "reveal" about their character when it comes to their behavior in youth sports. Some examples:
I was refereeing a sparring match of two 10-year-old boys. A small group of parents from one school was berating the boy from the other school who had gotten scored on his first two times out. As the fight resumed for a the third time, the parents yelled to their fighter, "Here's an automatic win! He fights like a girl! He's afraid up there! Blow him away!" The other fighter lowered his head. He got scored on again, giving his opponent a 5-point lead. As the wining fighter came out of the ring, the same group of parents shouted, "If they had more fighters like that kid, you'd be grand champion!"
At a little league game one of the parents of a player on the other team started yelling at the umpire. The umpire gave her a warning, but she continued with her tirade so the umpire had her removed from the park. As she continued to yell obscenities to the umpire, the coach of their team came out and also got into a shouting match with the umpire. He too was asked to leave the park. As the argument escalated, the coach gathered his team and they left the field. Their team was winning 19-8 and it was the last inning. By walking off the field, their team forfeited the game.
Why do parents lose it at youth sporting events? Sports psychologist Thomas Tutko and others feel that parents get too wrapped up in the competition because they are living vicariously through their children. Other experts feel that parents might be filled with unrealistic expectations, hoping their child will be the next superstar. Consequently, they place too much emphasis on making sure their kid "wins" or "has a great game" or "looks good."
Here's hoping we remind ourselves of the significant role we play in the lives of our kids, at their sporting events, and at home.
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